Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid...

So today I started my new job. It's terrifying in a way. For the first time in my life, I don't have a guaranteed income. I don't have an hourly wage, a salary, a bi-monthly payment. Nope. I have a shot in the dark. I have a faith. I have a ... terrifying job.

I am loving it. Working with people, getting to KNOW people again... not sitting in a lonely office all by myself playing on facebook all day. I have my dog with me (who sits and pouts all day because I'm not playing with him 24/7). I got up this morning at 7am to WORK OUT. Yeah. I know. Who does that?! I went for a 30 minute jog (the first time in 3 months, soo... it wasn't really "30 minutes" .... it was more like 5 minutes running/4 minutes walking/5 minutes running/15 minutes walking. I'll get there again!). Then I came home and did another 30 minutes. By 9am, I was done my workout. I have to remember to set the coffee maker tomorrow.

I am overly excited. I can't wait to see what happens. I can't wait to start meeting more people and really proving to myself that I CAN do a job that I actually love.

Have you ever seen that episode of Friends where Chandler quits his job in Tulsa? He says to everyone (which, incidentally, is actually the 2nd time he said this very same speech... just a little FYI for any of you who are not obsessed with a TV show...) "Who does what they want to do with their lives for real? Who REALLY likes their job?" To which Rachel responds "I can't wait to get back to work," Joey responds with "I love my job!" Monica: "I love cooking!", Phoebe "I love it!", and Ross "I don't know what I'd do without dinosaurs."

Point being, when I saw this episode, and after laughing at Ross, I told Ryan that I am like Chandler. I have NO idea what I want to do with my life. If I'm in my late 30s, still being someone's assistant.... I just might have to kill myself. I remember having so many plans of what I wanted to be when I "grew up." I wanted to be a teacher (too many years in school), a nurse (blood? ew.), a dancer (with 2 left feet), a singer (with absolutely zero skill), a radio personality (didn't get into the class), a tv reporter (not enough confidence)... I wanted to be SO many things and always made up excuse after excuse why I couldn't do it. Then, my friend Christa told me she was going into Business Administration at SAIT, so I went in as well, HATED it (but got amazing grades!) and STILL didn't do what I took at school - Marketing. I fell back to taking the "easy route" like I always do... administration. Working for someone else. Doing menial jobs that someone else is too damn lazy to do themselves. Answering the phone and being the #1 person customers dealt with, but being paid the least and having the least amount of respect shown to you.

Now.... NOW.... I feel like I can answer like Rachel and Monica... I LOVE what I'm doing! I can't wait for tomorrow, to call more clients and get them to advertise. And not because I get commission - but because I TRULY believe they will benefit from advertising with the Newsy Neighbor. I believe in the focus the magazine has. I believe in the heart behind it.

And I honestly, truly can't wait to tell people where I work!!

So now I have the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect vehicles, the perfect husband, the perfect dog, the perfect life..... all I'm missing now.... the perfect baby.

Where are you????

Friday, September 4, 2009


I am putting this out into the Universe. I am telling this to God. I am announcing this:


God, Universe and all others: listen to me!!!!!!

And if not... I'll just go and steal a baby :)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

no title

I'm feeling beaten today. The Universe has beaten me. I surrender. The white flag is drawn. My gun is down. My hands are in the air. I have cried "Uncle!"

With all the good that has been happening in my life as of late... the ability to quit my old job, and this amazing, exciting and PERFECT new job has fallen into my lap, I thought "things are finally starting to look up for me!" I thought for a brief second how wonderful everything is working out, like it is "meant to be!" that all it's missing is a child and that with all of my stresses gone, that dream would happen. I started yoga, I am taking an all-natural spray to "relax" and not stress. I even began acupuncture!!! (I saw a Sex and the City episode where Charlotte - who is basically a character based entirely on me - got acupuncture to get pregnant and she did. Unfortunately, she miscarried not a few weeks later, but still. It worked.) I have been doing EVERYTHING I have not tried in the past year and a half.

Then today, the cramps started. As did "other" things.

So what the fuck?!?! What else do I have to do?! Do I have to put on a Catholic high school uniform and get wasted? Do I have to start doing drugs? Do I have to sell the house, the vehicle, quit the perfect post-baby job?? Do I have to say to the Universe "I DON'T EVEN WANT KIDS!"


Because I'll do it! I swear! I'll do anything!!

I don't think there are many things I haven't done!!

So if anyone - ANYONE - has any more suggestions, please let me know. I'll try it. I will fall on my knees and pray to Allah if I have to. I will ask the gods to send my mini-me's to fertilize my uterus. I will dance naked in a lightning storm if I have to!!!

God Almighty, PLEASE. PLEASE!!! Give me a break!!! I am begging you. In the world of Blogs and Internet, I am openly BEGGING God. I am BEGGING the universe. Whatever works. I am BEGGING.