Saturday, October 31, 2009

37 Weeks

I should be 37 weeks pregnant today. In 2 weeks today, I should have my baby in my arms. I am fully aware it's extremely unhealthy to think about it like this. I just can't help it. Why is it so easy for 1 person to get pregnant and another just can't seem to get it right? Not again this month. I am out of energy. I can't even fake being positive anymore. I am drained.

Now, if I DO (pfft, whatever) get pregnant in November - January, I actually have to miss my brother's wedding. Nice. Thanks, God. Whatever You're doing up there - it sucks.

Saturday, October 10, 2009


So far, 2009 sucks. It feels like such a shitty year so far. But it's Thanksgiving weekend and I was forced to sit here and actually think about all the amazing things I need to be grateful for. So I thought I would list them here:

- My amazing job. My dream job.
- Ryan. I am constantly amazed that I was blessed with such an amazing man.
- Bauer. Best. Dog. EVER.
- My parents, that they are still around and we hang out as often as we do and that they live so close. I absolutely love it.
- Our lives in general. I have a beautiful home, two vehicles, room for guests... we are extremely blessed.
- My friends. I have made some new friends recently and I feel so blessed... I feel like my old self again! And my old friends, the Fairview girls, who I love so dearly.
- My grandmother, who is still alive and well.

There is so much more. I am grateful that we live in a country where I can be free to say what I feel, that we have a government that never agrees on anything and is always sending us to the polls (haha), I am grateful for Ryan's family - I have so much fun with them, and I love watching my niece Veronica grow up. So despite the fact that this year has brought a lot of heartache and strain, so much more good has happened. I am extremely lucky, and I am even luckier that I get to experience all of these great things with my best friend, and the best husband I ever could have imagined. Thank you, Ryan.

Happy Thanksgiving, all!



Thursday, October 1, 2009

I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but sometimes... thinking positive thoughts just... doesn't work.

It does work sometimes, I will admit. I wrote out on paper exactly the kind of job I wanted. And, you know what? I got it! I have it! I love my job... I absolutely LOVE it. I look forward to getting up everyday and doing work. I look forward to talking to people about my company - because I believe in this company. I absolutely, without a doubt, love it.

But, I also spent ALL of September thinking ONLY positive thoughts about getting pregnant. I spoke "WHEN I get pregnant" rather than "IF I get pregnant." I vocalized every chance I got that I WOULD get pregnant in September. I wrote it on my blog, I said it aloud, I TOLD people. Because I wanted to prove to the universe that I believed I could get pregnant solely by thinking positive thoughts.

Well... it's all a bunch of bullshit.